Skerred...

My friend, Heather, always liked to say "I ain't skerred!". Well, I am.
I'm skerred of a lot of crap. I lost 4 lbs. I didn't want to tell anyone...because I might ditch it all and gain 10.
I've been coming across a lot of talk about food as a kind of addiction. And it kind of is. Some of the things I'm experiencing right now are very similar to the feelings I had when I quit smoking/coffee/diet coke.

I'm scared that I'm going to fall into a huge pizza and never crawl back out of it.
I'm scared that in order to get and stay fit, I can never eat pizza again. You and I know that it's not true.
But try telling a fear that it's crazy, and it will reward you...with more fears.

I'm scared that I'll find more excuses to quit exercising...and just be miserable.
I'm scared that my weight is a fixed thing...and i'll never be able to lose it
I'm scared that worrying about weight is all I'll ever do with my life.
I'm scared that Britney Spears will show up @ the Super Bowl with Bruce Springsteen.

And it's cyclical. I wake up full of energy and feel great! Then by the end of the day...I'm exhausted.

Tonight I've been sneaking cheese cubes...CHEESE CUBES. Seriously. They are made out of 2% milk, and I'm getting hungry just thinking about them. (PS. They are only sort of tasty in a desert island, no food, kind of way.)
And it's only when I'm sitting in front of a screen. Here or the TV. When I wash dishes, I feel full.

There is no justice in this world. I love the internet and I love TV. They both go better with cheese cubes.
Know what I hate? Washing the dishes, folding the laundry.

blech.

Oh ya, good news.

• Lost 4 lbs.
• Successfully finished 9 days of a veggie/no bad carb/no alchol/no sugar diet.
• Noticed a definite firming up of body areas.
• Had a nice eHarmony date.
• Exercise is going well, and it's much less of a chore. The lack of swimming tonight probably has something to do with my crankiness.
• Feel really good in the morning and right after evening workouts

Still need more yoga and meditation...but i'm getting there. I do love me some meditation.

Stay warm, all!!