Well...that could have gone better!

Last year didn't turn out quite as stunning as I had planned in weight loss and all. Hmmm...I've actually started over this year. And my started over, I mean I'm moving really, really slowly. I am pretty sure I've lost the same five pounds throughout this entire year.

But, with that said, I am ready to work hard at not gaining weight and stop avoiding all the things that fat girls shouldn't do. My "what fat girls shouldn't do" list this is my own mental list that restricts me from doing certain things because, frankly, I'm too fat.

1) visiting family: I'm going to go in July (if work isn't too hectic)...don't want to see people and hear me called "fluffy," but these peeps are family, and I can't avoid them forever!

2) buying a dress: I almost bought one the other day. Maybe when I lost 10 lbs (see? I'll still be fat but will have a dress. Makes sense in my own head.)

3) go to the craft store: I went to my favorite craft store a few months after I had my child and the owner asked if I was expecting again. That was nearly four years ago. Haven't been back sense. But I really do love the merchandise...and really want to go back.

That's all for now. It's nap time at our house. I've been meaning to post for ages and wanted to get something down while I was thinking about it. Happy Memorial Day weekend!!!

Trying 1-day liquified diet

Not "liquid" diet...and not calorie/fat restrictions either. This is a vegetarian day where I just happen to puree all my food, keeping it to healthy stuff..steamed veggies, soup, whole grains, no meat, no heavy cheese...

Deepak says to do this once per week to balance my Kapha dosha...meaning until I have lost some weight, but more importantly, until my digestion is robust.

Then there's a whole thing about sipping hot water once every half hour.

So for breakfast I had an oatmeal, blueberry, banana, almond "smoothie" with a half cup of hot milk.

yum..actually pretty tasty.

Then there will be some veggie soups, and maybe beans and rice later today.

i'll let you know if i survive. Last time I think I wound up w/ a cheeseburger around 5pm.

Feeling better

I've been working w/ different ways to limit my refined sugar intake.

One treat a day seems to work the best. I always know I've got something good coming, and it makes it easier to resist extra stuff...except when you have the chocolate days :). Then i think 2 treats is a good way to go.

I've also been in good phase of cooking, which is fun. I love to get in the kitchen and try stuff out. Today it's two dishes...which i'm making for my friend Michele before we go to see a band tonight (we are both broke because we all went to Hawaii back in October. Long story...beautiful place).

Garlicky baked butternut squash

and Shrimp Scampi w/pasta and Kale

Super duper YUM.

Will report back!

Alternative Health Frustration

I gorged last night...

Not on food, but on information. A while back a cute little woman of chinese heritage running a smoothie shop informed me that I had "the yeast". She said that the overeating i do, and sugar cravings are from something called a Systemic Candida infection. (too much yeast inhabiting your digestive tract, or other areas of your body).

So i search for this off and on, and I'm totally saturated w/ the information that is available on the web and in books that I've taken out of the library.

And...as is usual w/ alt health stuff...I'm confused. Tired of searching for myself, and interested in just fixing this (if it's in fact "the yeast" that I have)

I've come to the conclusion that when anything is extremely complex (like being overweight) you find that a lot of people label themselves as "experts" and will happily give you their opinions.

So what I like to do is to read what the experts say and draw my own non-expert conclusions by looking for the overlap, and the most practical options for me.

Here's the overlap on the yeast...and in stopping sugar cravings...

1. Cut most of the sugar out of your diet. Raw honey is ok, but use it sparingly
2. Limit fruit to 2-3 servings a day...it's better than sugar tho, so if you crave sugar, eat fruit instead
3. Eat more vegetables, preferably those that are lower on the glycemic index
4. Reduce the amount of fat you eat...no fried foods at all.
5. Exercise regularly.
6. Get enough sleep
7. Drink lots of warm and hot water and herbal teas.
8. Use a neti pot/sinus rinsing device at least daily
9. Stop eating vinegar, start using lemon juice instead.
10. Talk to a qualified alt health practitioner and detrmine if you do, indeed, have "the yeast"

#10 kind of freaks me out. Insurance doesn't typically cover alt health practitioners...so i'm going to do some research to find one or more that I can try out. If the woman @ OR Smoothies is right, then I've got a long term problem to solve.

If not, then steps 1-9 are just plain healthy advice.

Too bad i have $50 worth of Girl Scout cookies ...

Self-massage

Deepak has many suggestions for daily practices that will keep you happpier and healthier.

One of them is self massage...

For those of us who are overweight, we have a "Kapha" imbalance... meaning that we are accumulating and carrying excess baggage...mentally, physically, emotionally.

Another thing to remember is that when under stress, everyone gets out of touch with his or her body.

Enter: the dry massage

and Abhyanga, sesame oil massage.

First: Dry massage: Take a dry loofah...over "long" bones or arms and legs do back and forth motion...20-40 times.

At your joints use a circular motion

I was very skeptical that this would be good on my skin...but it leaves me w/ a "buzz". It is invigorating and definitely wakes up my body.

Second: Follow dry massage w/ a sesame oil massage. Warm a small amount in your hand (or have a small plastic bottle and warm that in hot water). Starting w/ your scalp and using circular motions, massage all over w/ sesame oil. pay special attention to your feet.

then follow all of THAT with a steaming hot shower.

Repeat daily.

After all of this, i felt AMAZING. Relaxed and alert. Calm. bright eyed. Coffee? who needs coffee?

This total took me about 20-30 min. Right now i can't add that to my routine daily, but oh what a world it would be if i could.

Clean the office...or make Ayurvedic food

Make Ayurvedic food in an effort to avoid the office. ...

Hey. Don't Judge. Deepak said "you need to boil your milk"

and then he said "Ghee is purified butter. it is what you should cook with. so spend at least an hour on your saturday or sunday skimming the crap off the top of it.

God, I love Deepak. Meanwhile, my office has more and more crap piled into it.

But i have clarified butter...and boiled milk.

The boiled milk is actually kind of tasty. and i have been really drinking a lot of it. So Thumbs Up, Deepak!

So far i haven't made anything w/ the ghee (clarified butter...melt butter and skim the crap off the top, then pour the middle layer into a clean bowl leaving the bottom layer of crap in the pan. I read after i did it this way that you can achieve the same effect faster by straining through a cheesecloth).

Tomorrow i'll tell you what it's like to massage yourself w/ Sesame oil prior to showering. ...

the short answer is ...invigorating!! :-)

I like big butts

So there's an old episode of Scrubs, where Turk says to JD, "When a black girl asks 'does my butt look big?' you say 'Hell Ya!'" The reasoning being that in the black community, curves are highly prized...and women go out of their way to accentuate them.

Then there's the rest of us, who lament the size of our legs (there's an old blues song that talks about "Big legs, and a tight skirt") and how our butts stick out (I like big butts and i cannot lie)

Just goes to show you the difference between cultures.

What's my point? hmmm. Take a lesson. All women are pretty. it's just a fact of life...

ok. sleepy now. go say "i'm pretty" to yourself. you'll feel better.

Vacation Day

I took a mental health day...so far, it has been lovely! I'm sure it will improve after my coffee and a massage. I have already walked the child to the baby sitter and am enjoying some morning TV.

It's not this part of the day that I found interesting (I want my day to be as uninteresting as possible!)...I was awake from 3am until 5pm. I had to check my bank accounts because I felt broke (thank God I'm not!). And I read up on Medifast. My coworkers are doing this program. The lady who sits next to me is taking in under 900 calories a day. But she's lost 12 pounds this week.

Please tell me that this isn't a safe program. Somebody? Anybody? Otherwise I'm afraid I'll be sucked in and the money will go into the same toilet that the WW@W one went.

The idea of prepackaged meals and only eating liquid-y items (for the most part) all day every day SUCKS! I researched their website and saw that there are other options...like eating one meal w/lean protein and veggies.

I don't want to fall into the "easy" trap again. My mental state always steers me towards the "but if you pay for it, you'll do it" thoughts. Instead, I sooooo need to get into the "if you commit to it, you'll do it" mentality. At this point I'm painfully fat and am still not ready to have another child (mentally I'm ready; physically I'm afraid it would kill me).

Okay, that was my brain puking on the blog. Maybe I'll sleep better tonight!!! For now, I'm off for my massage.

Happy and food

I've been trying hard to eat only when hungry, and to eat things that are good for me..i wear a blue ring that i've had for years. somehow this ring evokes an emotion in me...one that makes me want to try hard to be as good to myself as possible. So I often stroke the ring and think good thoughts.
Then when i feel the "urge" to eat something that I'm not really hungry for, or that might make me feel tired, sick, or low...i rub the ring again.

Weird i know. but somehow it feels right.

Shoes

Today marks the first time I've ever purchased a shoe specifically for exercising. I typically buy the all-purpose tennis show that I wear on weekends and on the rare occasion that I exercise. Frankly, buying a size 11 shoe at any mall is a huge PIA. I look at boxes vs. style. But I found a nice gray/pink pair. My fav!

* Note to self: return library book soon (The Perfect Weight)...the library will be calling soon. At this rate, I could have purchased the book for less money than I'll need to pay the fine. *

Bringing back POTATOS

As summer is wrapping up, i'm being presented with gifts from my parents' garden, and one of the best of those is home grown Potato's.

I don't know if you noticed, but unless you are eating @ a steak house, potatos aren't around a whole lot anymore.

do not fear this "white" starch. The silly carb fear-mongers lumped it into high glycemic stuff, but whatever. Eat it with the peel, in it's natural form (not as chips :-) and it's extremely good for you.

EAT POTATOs!! :-)

Intentions..walk every day until Hawaii and do some core strengthening every day..bare minimum

will report back...so far 2 days in...we're doin' good ;-)

TV and my good intentions

I love TV. I gave it up by quitting cable and just gorging on DVD's some evenings and weekends...but they were finite....

Now i met Hulu.com. And it's taken over.

Sometimes I watch quality shows...but not often. the bulk of what I watch on tv just makes me feel good for the moment...with relationships that are interesting, and full of intrigue...and everything works out in the end...
everyone is pretty, and knows how to say what they mean and feel...or learns how to in 30-60 min.

And now it's all available for free on Hulu.com oh ya, you other cable-less people head to hulu. you'll see what I'm talking about

Weird hunger lately

It's crazy but i have experienced a week of being hungry frequently, and the hunger is a little excessive, and craves heavy food, even just junk.

I'm not sure why this is, but it continued, then changed towards the end of the week. I was getting hungry, but i felt very turned off by food. i couldn't figure out what to eat!

Don't know why, but it was weird....
on the upside...i went to my family's annual float trip, and had such a great time. and i didn't overeat....but i did eat whatever I wanted. Had just a few wings on sat night. had a nice meal of ribs, tato salad, and beans...and didn't finish it all (unusual :-).

It was so nice. I think that my mind and such are starting to sync up a lot better. so that when i am hungry, i eat...and when i am full...i stop...and actually don't want more.

Not every time...but I'm noticing it much more frequently than i used to.

Very simple, but something i've not done a lot in the past.

Weekly intention: Daily exercise

My new guru, deepak, does a weekly intention on his blog. Mark this as the first of mine.

This week I intend to do 30-60 min of activity daily, such as walking, swimming, volleyball, etc..
This will be my focus for the week.

Since it's monday, and i tend to be overly ambitious on Monday's, I will also try these "sub-intentions" from Deepak's Perfect weight book

1. Sip hot water throughout the day (1-2 sips every 30 min)
2. Cook my own food.
3. do the dry loofah massage each day (this feels Amazing btw.)

And here I'm taking a page from Danielle...and stopping.
The one thing he recommends that i should probably do is "eating in a quiet environment focusing on the food".
I have trouble with this. I really like to read or watch tv while eating alone. I'll either work up to it, or figure something out...

Chapter 3 and Fudge Grahams

Okay, I'm here to endorse the new 1/2 dipped Fudge Grahams. While my mouth did ask "hey, where's the chocolate," my mind (and my behind) were very excited that I was eating something not TERRIBLY bad for me. Yay. Of course, this was on the heals of 1 1/2 BLTs. But I did eat four apple slices. And some Snapea Crisps...I like those and it is something green the child will eat.

Anyway, I'm skipping WW@W this week. I haven't really skipped deliberately yet, so I'm going to take this one as my first total avoidance week. I can't wait for my 12 weeks to be up. Which is sad...on one hand, I'm out lots of cash. On the other, I've only gained weight. On one foot, I hate going to the meetings...and on the other foot, I really hate going to the meetings. I would, however, like to go back to TOPS. I will have to discuss that w/my hubby since we had to stop going thanks to a work project that is still ongoing. I thought work meeting would really rock. However, they are held at work. With co-workers. And it just truly feels like work. It's hard to explain. And this is a public forum. I love my job. I want to keep it...

I'm going to work on some ideas I got from Chapter 3 of Perfect Weight. I haven't tried the loofah or sesame oil massages yet. Anything that tacks two minutes onto my "get ready for work" routine is uninteresting to me. I'm constantly late as it is. However, Deepak discusses the doshas that are dominate during different hours of the day. I would like to work on his ideas that I should be in bed by 10am and up by 6am. I think getting up by 6pm would also eliminate issues I have with my daughter's new found habit of coming downstairs each morning and climbing into bed w/us to watch cartoons.

Deepak also discussed that after we did our two weeks of eating when we are hungry, we should start consistantly eating lunch at the same time (at noon or 12:30). And, like we've heard elsewhere, making lunch the biggest meal of your day. The eating constantly is a big struggle with me. I eat at 11 some days and at 2 others...if I eat at all.

The most interesting thing I found about Chapter 3 is that he suggests that you really don't need breakfast. He said some people do need cereal or toast and all that...but keep it simple. I like that because on my diets or eating programs, I feel very forced to eat breakfast. And I'm not really hungry when I wake up. We'll see how it all goes. I really do need to step up and get with some program. This getting fatter and older isn't really working out. I don't feel fat...and maybe that's my problem (said the person typing w/her pants unbuttoned because she may have had one cookie too many)...sigh.

The Dinner Table

So Chapter 3 of our little "Perfect Weight" book is a bit controversial, as he recommends "self-massage" with a loofah. So far it doesn't bother me. I can't wait to hear what Danielle says :-).

Another big part of it is changing your eating habits to become more mindful of the food you are eating..working to slowly chew and eat and savor every bite...doing so in a calm environment.

Which brings me to my story. Recently, I was lucky enough to sit down to dinner with my parents, 2 of my 3 brothers and my niece and nephew on a a Tuesday night.

My brother and Mom tag teamed on frying bacon for bacon/lettuce/tomato sandwiches. (yum)
Then everyone started piling into the kitchen to help, backseat fry, and/or just generally harass the kitchen staff. the meal was great. BLT's with your choice of jelly/butter toast or Mayo. ( Both, duh).

Then I promptly sat down and ate 3 different sandwiches and quite possibly 1/2 lb of bacon (we made a total of 3 lbs. we. like. bacon.).

I was STUFFED. and i realized that i ate all of that in about 10 min. it felt like the whole evening was on Fast Forward. My brother had to get the kids home and showered and put to bed. I still had to drive an hour to get home, younger bro and Dad were working in the shop.
Crazy busy.
ALSO...we've always joked at how quickly my family can put down a meal. we are efficent eaters and can polish off an entire meal together in about 10-15 min. Always have. My theory is that we are 3 boys, 1 girl. Boys are generally competitive, and the one that finishes his first portion first, gets to the leftovers faster.

Just saying...my cousin are a family of all girls. At big family get togethers...they are the last ones to finish eating. And if they don't like something they don't eat it off of their plate. (huh?).

It says a lot about my current habits. When there is something really tasty (pizza, fries, etc) I'm usually eating my first portion...eyeballing the rest.

Ok. that's all :-).

Still believe that 3 lbs of bacon is a perfectly healthy amount though. it's so salty-delicious!

Oh sweet #6

What the hell is it about beer, that makes me incapable of gauging how full I am? And what is it about pizza that makes it so easy to eat 10 times as much as you need?

Sat night we had such a good time. went to see the Arch Rival Roller Girls (ARRG) roller derby bout against Fort Wayne, Indiana (the bombers or something). and had 2 beers, mini-corn dogs for dinner, then pop corn, and a soda (I was hungry. Swear). then my friend was hungry (friends don't let friends hit "E"...especially when they weigh 99 lbs soaking wet). and i proceeded to polish off half of an undercooked pizza.

I'm not proud. nor did i feel full. until i woke up this morning with a belly ache from all the dough, cheese, and such.

Today was similar. grazing and eating too much at a family party. going to have to work on not sitting right by the deer sausage...

I haven't hit "F" yet. I have managed to keep it at a decent level 6 (Scale is 0-1 ready to eat...2,3,4 how you feel when you are eating and getting full. 5-6 is when you should stop....don't hit F and don't hit E.)

Perfect Weight, Chapter 2 for Danielle

Chapter 2 is about discovering your Ayurvedic (traditional Indian science of health) body type. Concept: successful weight control programs should be designed to meet your individual needs.

There are three doshas that make up Ayurvedic body types - Vata, Pitta, and Kapha. This chapter gives a quiz for you to determine your body type. My type is Pitta. Pitta's basic function coverns bodily functions concerned with heat and metabolism. While this is my dominant dosha, I can see how I definitely possess a portion of all three. (My next highest score was for the Vata type, followed closely by Kapha.)

I found the characteristics of the Pitta type totally fascinating. Of course I can see myself in some that totally stand out: tendency to become angry or irritable under stress, fair skin w/freckles, aversion to sun/hot weather and (of course) sharp intelect. I do tend to take command of a situation or, often, feel that I should. I also can see how I'm too demanding, sarcastic and critical at times.

This chapter was interesting. Mostly the information is prep for the following chapters. If you know what your body type is, you can get in touch with your innter intelligence. I have already read the next few chapters, so I can see how this all comes into play for laying out the ground work for my "perfect weight."

I've continued to eat when hungry today. I even made sure to stop at 6 on my hunger level meter during dinner. I was tempted to finish...and tempted to finish Ryleigh's. But I was good. The child and I did share a skim milk/strawberry/banana shake after going to the grocery store. I didn't put much thought into if I was hungry for that.

Of all the stuff I've heard lately about weight loss (and I do belong to two weight loss groups!), this all seems very logical. As I've ready ahead, I can see how it is all very logical. But lots of things make more sense when someone actually spells it out for you. I'm eager to continue on to see what makes sense for my dominate body type.

Perfect Weight, Chapter 1 for Danielle

First, I want to thank Kristy for the wonderful idea to read this book together. She's motivated me so much this year! I was doing yoga (because I was thinking "WWKD?") and saw a mention of this book in the back of the DVD materials...which I'm sure I was ready to kill time and avoid actually doing the yoga poses. Anyway...

I love how the book starts with this sentence in the intro:
"Your ideal weight, therefore, cannot be expressed as a three-digit number on a chart mass-produced by an insurance company."

What an idea! Deepak totally won be over by telling me that mmy perfect weight is subjective and that I am the sole person who can determine what it is - AND - only my opinion is the only one that truly matters. Heck, this is all on the first page. I read this while sitting in Starbucks drive thru waiting for the drink I'm sure I didn't really want any way.

I like Deepak's simplification ideas. After spending the day with a child who keeps saying "watch the attitude, Mommy" ~ simple is something I really, really NEED!!!

Since I've totally sucked at the WW@W attempt and am out way too much moola, I am eager to get started on this "eat when you are hungry" concept. It just sounds so logical. I've already stopped myself several times today from eating just to eat. I almost ran to Starbucks because the child was driving me insane, and I thought I deserved a treat. I was going to grab a brownie, because I'm tired/bored/sleepy and made myself a glass of water instead. Hmmm...very interesting! I can see why the WW@W isn't working...I hate to be told what to do. I don't care if it makes all the sense in the world...nobody is the boss of me (other than my boss ~ for the sake of keeping my income). I have to watch carefully for F and E. I seem to hit both with not much in the middle.

I read Chapter 2 at the park today, but need to take the quizes and such. I have a nap planned, so it may be another day before I get that far. Napping helps me not eat. And, just maybe, it will help with that attitude issue I seem to have today. HA!