I'm sure not everyone is the same, but my mom can be my biggest supporter and also my worst enemy. She knows exactly what buttons to push and when.
Nothing in particular triggered this thought pattern. I was stuck in traffic for two hours tonight (about an hour and a half longer than usual), and I got to thinking back over some funny/frustrating times over the years.
Mom Story #1
When I had lost all my weight last time around (about 60 lbs), my mom called up one day and told me she found a great shirt for me at Sears. She just didn't know what size to buy. I promised to go try on clothes and report back. And I did.
Me: "Mom, I tried on a bunch of clothes. I wear a size 10."
Mom: "Ok, great, I'll buy you a size 12."
Mom Story #2
Same time period as Story #1...Mom and I are conversing after I went shopping at Old Navy.
Me: "I tried on a pair of 12 jeans, but they were too big. I'm definitely a size 10."
Mom: "Those jeans always run big."
Mom Story #3
Flash ahead to December 2008...those darn 60ish pounds are back on. Mom and I are chatting on my way home from work.
Me: "Did you make the appointment with the surgeon to have your hip replaced AND be checked for cancer?"
Mom: "Yes, I finally did it [after weeks of ignoring you]. Now that I did you a favor, how about you do me a favor?"
Me: "I know where you are going with this. Please don't. If I need help, I'll ask. Besides, calling the doctor isn't a favor for me. And you aren't comparing apples to apples."
Mom: "Yes, I am. Cancer and being fat..."
I stopped paying attention about then. She got mad. I got mad. And she hung up when I didn't have anything else to say.
This post went to the dark side all of a sudden. Stuck in traffic, I was thinking about these stories as humorous. However, I don't find as much humor to them as I reenact them. I just hope that I'm not as critical of my daughter when she's growing up and when she becomes an adult. I'm sure I'll struggle. But I hope my own life experiences have given me understanding.
And with that, I must go to bed. Work gets in the way of all the fun...and it arrives toooo early!
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I think your mom and my mom went to the same school of overweight daughter parenting.
ReplyDeleteShe always always buys me and xtra large. Always a size up.
When i look teary or annoyed she just explains that "all that cotton shrinks".
Have you had a conversation with your mom on how this hurts your feelings. I am sure she isn't trying to hurt your feelings.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I would discuss with her on how you need her support, etc., and don't feel like she is giving it to you when she does this kind of thing. It is more of a slap in the face than anything.
I am sure she is just worried about you.
Thanks for the ideas. My mom and I don't have many deep conversations. It's a life long battle...if I don't do what she wants, we avoid talking about it. Makes life easier that way! To make things even scarier...I'm pretty sure I married my mother, too. I've explored this in therapy. Think I need more! :)
ReplyDeleteOh boy. Some things just take time. My mom and I haven't always been the best communicators either...try to remember that it is just worry.
ReplyDeleteAnd that motherhood seems to make you people just a little bit...well...crazy. :-). Some shift in hormones (no offense, mom. Of course YOU are not crazy).
(you never know when my mom will find this.)